So Not Fetch

Photo Caption: The diaper skirt, The candyland scoop and swirl, What are those cheeks…

As a society, fashion is an important part of our culture, so much so that we have entire events and stores dedicated to different aesthetics and styles. Naturally, fashion has changed over the years with popular colors and silhouettes. I will not mention the war crimes inflicted upon Hot Topic’s racks, nor will I mention any of the most recent Red Carpet or Met Gala looks because then this article would have used the whole world’s supply of ink. However, I will talk about my personal dislikes in fashion I see today, the key word being “personal”.

The easiest thing to hate on is the bubble skirt. I’ve never seen it styled well in an outfit and I doubt I ever will. Bubble skirts look extremely bulky and don’t have enough or any structure with the longer ones falling like a comforter, and the shorter ones looking like a diaper. Please leave this behind in the 80’s. Another piece of clothing that I wish that people would stop wearing are the infamous ‘bum enhancing leggings’. There are several different kinds of these, but I’m mainly talking about Brazilian scrunch ones that went viral on TikTok. To me, the pattern is what makes it ugly. The way the almost fishnet pattern is layered on top of the smoother and more typical fabric that leggings have just looks wrong. It’s almost like the texture is uncomfortable to look at.

As for more general suggestions, do not wear Crocs with a high glam look. While I do understand the comfortability of wearing them before you get to your event, Crocs should be discarded before entering the party or gathering. Furthermore, never combine green and red outside of Christmas. I can appreciate an outfit that dares to use colors that aren’t normally put together, but red and green is where I draw a hard line. It just feels wrong to see something Christmas coded in September or heaven forbid, July.

Still, we are not done, as fashion crimes do not only pertain to clothes, but to hair, makeup, and general aesthetics. The first hair style that I will always hate is the ‘ice cream’ haircut. I think we’ve all seen this style before, whether in real life or on the internet. It’s like if a bowl cut met a perm and had a baby. Just go bald or get a mullet! I can assure you that nearly anything else is better than the almost-bangs-look that’s circling your dome. Speaking of bangs, I’m growing tired of the cut across bangs with teased hair look. It was cool at first, but now every alternative girl on Pinterest has it and I would like to see some variety in bangs again. Stand tall, my side bang soldiers, your time in the sun will come someday.

For general aesthetics, I tend to not like extremes on both sides. Minimalism with its hint of sad beige mom tends to give dystopian or medieval peasant after a while. It’s like looking at a blank piece of paper. On the other side, maximalism tends to clash with itself too much. Floral prints and cheetah prints should never be put with each other, and all colors should at least complement each other instead of fighting like a Call of Duty lobby full of middle schoolers.

These are just my personal fashion dislikes, aka my opinion. You can wear whatever you want, sure, but I will judge you.